THE RY GUY RETURNS FROM THE HEAT OF MUKWONAGO TO DISCUSS BASEBALL HYPERBOLE AND WHY A HOCKEY PLAYER IS TELLING YOU HOW TO SWING A BAT LIKE IT MATTERS ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. I AM WRITING THIS WHILE SITTING AT MY KITCHEN TABLE WHICH LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE OFFICIATING DESK FROM 2014 BUT WITH CUSTARD STAINS WHEREVER AN EMPHASIS MARK SHOULD GO SO THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THE DETAIL AND THE CARE THAT GOES INTO PRESENTING THIS COLUMN TO YOU WHILE SWEAT DRIPS OFF MY NOSE AND LANDS ON TOP OF A STACK OF PAPERS THAT SAY ONE RY OUT ALREADY WRITTEN ABOUT BAMS EIGHTY THREE POINT GAME OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I AM THE GUY WHO WATCHED MAC KINNON GET A MAJOR PENALTY RESCIND AND NOW HE IS SITTING HERE TALKING TO ME IN MY MIND WHILE I TRY TO UNDERSTAND JACK HUGES SENDING A VIDEO MESSAGE ABOUT BASEBALL RATHER THAN HOCKEY PUCKS BECAUSE IF YOU ASKED ME BACK THEN IN 2014 WHEN THIS COLUMN WAS JUST STARTING OUT AND I WROTE ONE RY OUT ABOUT SPOELSTRA SORRY TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE FOR BAMS EIGHTY THREE POINT GAME THAT I WOULD BE WRITING ABOUT BASEBALL PLAYERS WEARING HOCKEY JERSEYS FOR A FEW MINUTES OF BATTLING PRACTICE IN HOUSTON THEN YOU WOULD HAVE LIED TO ME AND THOSE LIES STINK MORE THAN THE OLD CULVERS BUTTERBURGER THAT I EAT EVERY TUESDAY WHICH IS NOT ABOUT THE BEEF ITSELF BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW A BUN IS JUST CARBOHYDRATE BUT IT S THE GREASE STAIN ON MY CHEST THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE AN OFFICIAL WHO HAS BEEN WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS AT RYAN FIELD WITHOUT CLOTHING CHANGES.
I AM WRITING THIS WHILE THE HEAT BEARS DOWN IN MUKWONAGO AND I COULD HAVE SWORN A MINUTE AGO IT WAS ONLY SIXTY DEGREES OUTSIDE BUT NOW THE AIR IS SO THICK WITH HUMIDITY THAT IF YOU TRY TO BREATHE THROUGH YOUR TEETH LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW THEN YOU WILL TASTE SALTINESS OF MY OWN DETERMINATION AND PERHAPS ALSO A TRACE OF SPOTTED COW BEER WHICH I HAVE JUST OPENED IN THE KITCHEN REFRIGERATOR BUT IT IS SITTING THERE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE SO THAT MAKES NO LOGICAL SENSE TO ME EITHER LIKE WHY DO WE NOT KEEP OUR MILWAUKEE BREWS FRIDAY NIGHT COOL WHEN WE NEED THEM MOST AND WHAT ABOUT JORDAN HILL WHO LIVES IN THE NEXT HOUSE OVER WHERE I SAW HIM LAST WEEK TAKING OUT HIS TRASH WHILE HEARING MUSIC THAT SEEMED FIVE TIMES LOUDER THAN IT SHOULD BE FOR A RESIDENTIAL ZONE WITHOUT ANY SOUND ORDINANCES TO PROTECT US.
SO HERE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT JACK HUGES SENDING A FIRE UP MESSAGE TO TEAM USA IN THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC AND I MUST ASK MYSELF WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WHEN OFFICIALLY THEY SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON STRIKE ZONES NOT OVERTIME GOALS THAT DECIDE GOLD MEDAL WINS AGAINST OUR NEIGHBORS ACROSS THE WATER. THERE ARE PEOPLE IN MUKWONAGO WHO SAY THAT HOCKEY AND BASEBALL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THEY BOTH INVOLVE A BALL OR A PUCK THAT YOU HIT OR Dribble TOWARD SOMETH
One-Ry Out.