Well now, ain’t that something straight out of the “Wilt Meets Michael-Vincent” playbook. Bam Adebayo just went and did a number on the Washington Wizards worse than Blake’s first stint with Minnesota Wild! And you know what I’m talking about there.
83 points? You can fit 15 cheese curds in that many calories at Culver’s, man! That’s like taking two shots of whiskey every time he scored. If only we could do a shot every single time Adebayo put the ball through the hoop last night, we’d be pickling ourselves before halftime.
Wilt Chamberlain once said “50 is just an average score for me.” Well, 83? That’s one whole case of Leinenkugel’s more! And Kobe Bryant – my man was a beast and all but let’s not forget he had the benefit of having Shaquille O’Neal pass him the ball. No disrespect to Bam Adebayo here, who played his heart out last night like I’ve seen Michael-Vincent play on those rare games when he remembered where he parked.
And speaking of Shaq – remember that time he tried to score 83 points? That was before Blake became a thing and we were all wondering what the hell Shaq ate for breakfast. He got about as close as your dad did at the free throw line during his last high school basketball game. And no, I’m not bitter or anything.
Now back in my day, if you scored 83 points, it was because you missed a bunch of shots and had to make up ground from behind with some desperate heroics – like Michael-Vincent did when he made that one-shot comeback against the Lakers! But now? Now you just go out there on a Tuesday night and drop 83 in your sleep. It’s like going down to Kwik Trip, getting yourself an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich at $2.99 apiece, and coming back with change from a twenty.
And let’s not forget the Heat did their part too – fouling so much you’d think they were trying to make amends for all those times Blake forgot how many fouls he had left during his rookie season! But hey, it ain’t cheating if everyone knows what you’re doing and still can’t stop it. It’s like when your buddy tries to hide a sixer of Leinenkugel’s under the passenger seat because “the cops are coming” but we all know where they really belong – in our belly.
And now Adebayo is up there with Wilt Chamberlain and Kobe Bryant, two guys who could probably score 83 points each after having a big bowl of Culver’s cheese curds for breakfast. It’s like being in the company of gods… or at least, gods according to the NBA record books!
I mean, it was so wild that even LeBron James had to jump on board and post “BAM BAM BAM” as if he hadn’t just been handed his lunch by a guy who looks more like an All-Star from your local YMCA league than one of the game’s all-time greats! But hey, good for Bam Adebayo. He worked hard to get where he is today and it showed on Tuesday night.
And as if that wasn’t enough excitement for one evening, we’ve also got Kevin Durant waxing lyrical about how “it takes a lot of stamina” – you know what else takes stamina? Getting through an entire season without hearing about Blake’s latest off-the-court antics. But I digress.
So there it is folks, the night Bam Adebayo became not just a household name but also a footnote in NBA history alongside Wilt Chamberlain and Kobe Bryant – two guys who could probably score 83 points each after having an entire bag of cheese curds from Kwik Trip for breakfast.
One-Ry Out.