FOR THE LOVE OF SPOTTED COW AND FROZEN PORK CUTLETS AT KWIK TRIP!! It looks like it’s time to get physical about some NFL business. Maxx Crosby, that towering defensive end from Las Vegas, has got the Ravens looking over their shoulder instead of at his menacing frame on the field. Yep, you heard right – after all those months and weeks and years of “we want him”, “he’s ours!”, they’re suddenly backing out because this guy can’t pass a physical? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD!
Now I know what you’re thinking: What in tarnation is going on here? So the Raiders go ahead and get themselves one heck of an edge rusher, with some big-time free agency moves – we’re talking Tyler Linderbaum for starters. $81 MILLION?! You can practically smell the bacon at Culver’s from here! And then they let him slide because his knee is a little wonky? Come on down to Mukwonago and I’ll introduce you to my buddy Michael-Vincent who’s got some stories about players not being able to pass physicals that will make your head spin.
Now Crosby, the player in question (no pun intended), he’s out there getting his knee surgery done, thinking “Hey, no big deal! Just a little torn meniscus.” But then it all goes sideways. I mean this guy is 27 years old – if you can’t pass physicals at that age maybe take up gardening or something because your football days are numbered!
But seriously though, the Raiders must be panicking right about now after throwing down on those deals like they’re buying rounds of cold ones at Kwik Trip. All that money out there for Linderbaum and he’s going to sit back and watch Crosby potentially get picked up by another team? FOR THE LOVE OF FROZEN PORK CUTLETS! And what’s the deal with all these Ravens medical concerns, anyway? Did they discover some previously unknown disease in their physicals that I missed when I was playing college ball? Newsflash: it’s not 1997 anymore!
And remember back when Brock Marion had those issues with his shoulder and got out of a deal at the last minute? Yeah, that was one heck of a situation. Now we’ve got all these teams trying to get their hands on Maxx Crosby like he’s the next big thing in social media influencers! I mean seriously though, Ryan Grant and Michael Brockers – they didn’t exactly fare too well with those physicals either.
But back to this year: what really gets my goat is how hard it must be for these teams dealing with all these cap issues. They throw down millions on free agents like they’re tossing quarters into the Kwik Trip fountain only to have things fall apart because of some guy’s wonky knee! It just goes to show you, folks, that even in the world of professional sports there are still more “clocking out” than actual clockin’ it!
And Crosby himself? Well he’s as chill about this whole ordeal as I am when I’m enjoying my morning coffee at Culver’s. He says he’s ahead of schedule with his knee surgery recovery and will be ready to go for the offseason program – which, let me tell you, is just in time because these teams are going to need all the help they can get!
Now it’s your turn! What do you think about Maxx Crosby getting passed on by one team after another? Share those opinions with a cold drink and some good ol’ fashioned Culver’s fries down at Kwik Trip – I’ll be there, watching as this whole saga unfolds like my buddy Blake trying to solve a Rubik’s cube without any hands!
One-Ry Out.